Incomplete relationships create unresolved grief, and ….unresolved grief creates incomplete relationships.
When grief is not resolved, as it eventually should be, grievers can develop a relationship to their pain, as if their identity hinged on regarding themselves as unhappy. Many people become so familiar with those painful feelings that they are afraid to let them go. This information is shared for your awareness so that something of this nature does not happen to you.
Some of us have very long-term relationships to emotional pain. We may have unresolved “loss-of-trust” experiences from childhood that keep us in an almost perpetual state of acceptance of pain as a permanent condition. Many of us keep dragging the unfinished relationships of our past into all of our new relationships, and then acting surprised when they always end the same. We may be ill-equipped to deal with the feelings caused by the end of each new relationship, and we may be unaware that almost all of our past relationships are incomplete or unresolved.
If the intellect were the key to successful recovery then we would be able to think ourselves well. We would be able to understand ourselves into better actions. Clearly that does not work. Unresolved grief is cumulative and negative. We must learn how to grieve and complete relationships that have ended or changed. It may sound simple, and it is simple. Why then, do so many people resist taking the simple and clearly defined actions to bring about recovery. The more familiar we become with our pain, the more likely that familiarity will create the powerful illusion that change is not necessary and that growth is not possible.
Happiness may become an unwelcome intruder in how I relate to myself. Access to our own happiness is directly linked to our ability to grieve and complete our relationships with people and events, as well as our ability to grieve and complete our relationship to the pain we generate when we are reminded of the unhappiness we have experienced in our lives.
Many of us say, over and over, that if only this or that would happen I could be happy. The thing might be love or money or success or fame. And yet, how often do we get the very thing we wanted and wind up as unhappy as we were before, and even more disillusioned? To rediscover your ability to be happy, you must go back and grieve and complete all of the incomplete relationships from your past. As you do so, you will begin to find your normal and natural desire and ability to be happy.
Conditions that suggest Unresolved Grief
Risk factors for Unresolved Grief
Low Adrenal Function / Adrenal Insufficiency
Adrenal fatigue increases the time it takes to recover from illness, injury and trauma, including emotional trauma.
Recent death of a loved one
Unresolved Grief suggests the following may be present
Recommendations for Unresolved Grief
David G. Evans’ book, Healed Without Scars is indeed transforming and healing. He helps you by empathizing with your pain then turning you to look towards God. Through examples, he doesnt just tell you, but he shows you how to conquer your past hurts. I’ve read other books biblically counselling on pain, but they were very preachy, not applicable, or they started out promising, but did not complete the job.
Bishop Evans’ book is complete and he leads you through a process that will transform your ability to handle all your past and future pains. He gives examples from other people’s lives, going through the deepness of their pain first. He empathizes with the people and then and navigates through the pain with you, before showing you how to turn to God for your healing. There are no stones unturned because his examples help illustrate all the kinds of pain we struggle through from our past. Whether it’s abuse, rejection, or any other kind of emotional pain from our past, Healed Without Scars has the healing steps for you to finally overcome your past. Bishop Evans, before publishing this book, gave a whole series of messages on being healed without scars. After reading the book, I got the series as well, and it has helped me and friends of mine whom I have shared them with. This book will be a blessing to you too.
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